some days are just hard

You know those days, you've slept in, you can't find that one top you wanted to wear then you spill your coffee everywhere? we've all been there. But then there are the really hard days, the days where you feel like you cannot function, the days where feel like everything is to much where you feel like there is no point even getting out of bed. I know this feeling all to well. My surgery happened to fall right in the middle of my Disability studies this meant that I had a lot of theory work plus 150 hours of practical placement to catch up on when I returned. this kept me busy for weeks and I worked twice as hard to catch up. Which meant when I finally stopped, I had nothing to focus on and had nothing to do. I was lost. I remained this way for a number of months and it didn't get much better, add in multiple failed job applications and hey presto my confidence plummeted and so did my idea of who I was and what wanted to do.

My mental health was suffering and I had no idea why I couldn't shake this feeling, I knew I needed help. I started seeing a psychologist to try and make sense of everything, Part of me felt like a failure for not being able to sort it out my self. I quickly realised that what I needed was more important than other peoples perception of me. I am so glad I did because I was able to understand my feelings, and the more I understood them the less they could control me and that was a something that made life 10 times easier. Suddenly instead of dread and anxiety my days were productive and easy.

Throughout my journey I have become a massive believer that everything happens for a reason and even if your not sure what that reason is, its always there, the universe has plan, you need to trust it, and of you know me you know that not having control is something I struggle with so it was a big mindset shift but one that has been incredible!! Once I did this everything started falling into place, my work life sorted it self out as did my life in every other aspect. 

I saw a quote that pretty much summed it up for me; "And the thing you need to know... is that it's okay to feel Not Very Okay At All. It can be quite normal, in fact" to me this is exactly what life is about, sit in what your feeling, be sad or angry or disappointed but then pick your self up and brush your self off don't let it consume you, your stronger than that.

Please please if you feel not very okay talk to someone, you do not have to do this by your self.

Jess xx